Before joining the ranks of motherhood I envisioned that I would be the world’s best Mom. I judged the mistakes I saw other parents make (including my own). I thought I would never make those mistakes myself, my kids would be perfectly dressed, always well behaved, and I would never lose my patience. Then I became a Mom.
Motherhood is the hardest job in the world but with the best benefits. Working from home is not easy. I struggle with balance, stretch myself too thin, and then lose my patience very easily. Annie Downs spoke during the Influence Conference and said “the tongue has the power of life and death. There is no middle ground.” I love my kids fiercely but my actions don’t always reflect that. After hearing Annie speak I felt determined to make some changes.
On the last night of Influence during the worship I caught Cammie from Polka Dotted Peony out of the corner of my eye rocking Allison from Ballpoint & Pen’s precious baby. The sleeper she had on and the dark hair reminded me of Ella. So much in fact that tears started streaming down my face and all I could think to myself was how fast the last three years have gone. I was reminded to savor Hudson & Ella’s childhood. I prayed that God would help me to see the big picture on a day to day basis. When I’m in the trenches of motherhood. And that no matter how many times I thought I could do this on my own that I need to turn to God for strength to get through the rough days.
Then last week I came across Amanda’s post about grace. She is doing a 31 day series about the secrets mom’s keep. Oh how it touched my heart! She says “We worry each harsh word spoken in the hurry of the day, each tired glance, each frustrated sigh gets stored up inside your own most secret place, that it will haunt you later or – Lord, have mercy– even now. Our heads know the truth that our best is all we have to offer and the vastness of the space that’s left will be filled with the grace of the One who made you and made you ours. But our hearts still pound with worry. We worry our brokenness is breaking you beyond repair.” She also says “I worry that I’m breaking you, and in a sense I know it’s true. But I know that He has filled in my gaps and He will do the same for you.” A huge wave of relief that washed over me. She’s so right!
I picked up this Lara Casey print while at the conference and it is now hanging on my bulletin board in our office. It says everything that I learned over the course of that weekend. Thankful to have a little reminder when I get stuck in my own head.